Rome Sims rites's Blog

Yesterday I took a trip to Greece, a pathway provided by a romantic comedy film. Today I am spending some time in Havana, Cuba with a man whose claim to fame is being disgusting by eating the most stomach exploding specimen. I wish I could walk down the music filled streets and sit with the locals like the host of this show. I wonder if this would go well given my dislike for other humans, not sure if it is dislike or fear mixed with anxiety. I usually sit in my apartment and avoid most contact with the outside world. I spy on the trash man who I am convinced is a part of the conspiracy that is cooked up in the building behind mine. I listen to the drunk people fight in the alley, and wonder how I was ever one of them. I get worn out after I spend 3 hours with a human that wants interaction, including my husband. I dream about traveling and sitting on beaches in flip flops drinking beer and getting to know people of the region, but earlier today I sprinted through the halls when I heard another apartment door open to avoid the possible human interaction. The woman caught me nonetheless. We chatted about how quiet the apartments are, and how there are enough cameras to personally watch each tenant. She chuckled about the craziness of our landlord and how she spots everything with those cameras, and doesn’t hesitate to call if you do not empty the lint remover in the laundry room. All through the conversation I was brimming on a panic attack wondering if this neighbor was going to continue talking, or worse ask a question. I couldn’t hear what she was saying because I was lost in thought about how I am sure the landlord can see in my apartment when I am in my underwear dancing and rapping to 50 cent. I am not sure how the rest of the convo went but I was torn out of my dream sequence by her saying “Well it was nice to meet you.” I went back into my place to calm down with a cigarette. I am back in Cuba now and am enthralled at the size of the cigars. The only point of reference I have is when you meet a real down to the bone stoner, which I am not at all. They always seem to have, or are making a giant blunt that is bound to send them to their floating graves. Well these cigars rival those. I now officially hate the host of this TV show. He is sitting on a tobacco farm smoking hand rolled cigars with the farmers. The best part of it is that there is a language barrier so chatty nonsense isn’t needed, they just enjoy. I wonder if the soup I left on the stove is burning….or where my husband is. I don’t practice Santeria…but apparently people in Cuba do. Lots of blood with Santeria. Anyway soup was fine I guess somebody finally told my stove the definition of “low.” No sign of my husband. Although I have a natural disdain for people having my husband come home makes me happy. I feel like a puppy when he comes home, I get all happy and want him to be happy as well. I make sure he is fed, then I tell him all I did while he was gone, which usually isn’t much. He laughs and shakes his head at my antics, he usually tunes me out when I go on about my advances in the “conspiracy of the elks” that is taking place across the alley. Eventually he settles down on the couch and watches TV while I yell at the little men that live in the empire on my computer that I am building to take over Persia. I live downtown on the second story of a building that houses a bar downstairs, the bar is also next door to a tattoo parlor. This makes sense when you see the tattoo work on the alcoholics of this town… I think I might move to Havana, I hope they are not sugar coating the political issues for this show.

I went on a walk the other day because I needed to do something, anything that wasn’t super lame. I am not totally familiar with where I live despite the time I have spent here. About an hour into my walk I was lost. I recently killed my phone unintentionally like phone manslaughter. Therefore, we only have one cell phone due to our laziness, and almost refusal to go get me a new one. Back to being lost, I had the cell phone which was good. The problem is that I had “THE” cell phone, being THE only one we have. We have no home phone, and nobody that has access to even knock on our apartment door to get Sean’s attention. 5 miles later I found myself on the steps of a building I recognized, and am not pleased with my physical shape. My smoker lungs are crying heavy tears for oxygen to convert into carbon dioxide, and my muscles have shrunk from dehydration to the size of peas. My life is suddenly clear, not in a good way. It is empty and I feel my quest for meaning has just begun. Damn.

I am pretty happy that for one someone read my infamous “Pastors Daughter” blog, which is more like a lashing and  then they responded by writing on their site about it. I loved a few things that they said, but don’t want to quote it because honestly I don’t know how to properly cite it. I am excited because it was meant to strike with force but ended up hitting the wrong audiences. At the time it was written I was in the middle of a crazy ass time in my life and looking back am surprised I didn’t write more honestly.  I guess the thing that bothers me is that they mentioned something about not following God because of his followers. Well I assume that is what they were hinting at. This type of approach is classic, and one I COMPLETELY understand. One of the things I hate most is a Christian who claims no evil. That is bull, if becoming a Christian was a quick fix, perfect person maker than it would have many more followers. My dad always says “People always leave the church because of the other people. When in reality we are the most messed up ones, otherwise we wouldn’t be here.”  That is one of the few things I understood that he said. Let us just go by numbers, since that was the format from the cited text.

1. I am not the perfect Christian. In fact I am probably the worst one out there, this I cannot deny. What I am not, is a hypocrite. I believe I am to do my best, which usually isn’t that great. I do not claim to be perfect or anywhere near it. I imagine that God is sitting up on a throne somewhere shaking his head at my antics. What I do have is faith, and belief and thankfully a forgiving God. I don’t understand how I can be attacked for airing out my dirty laundry when most people who challenge christianity are begging for someone to be real with them. I am being real.  You know how when you meet a crazy person and then they tell you they are on their meds, and you wonder what kind of psycho they are when they don’t take drugs? Well thats me, imagine me without God. If I wasn’t saved and had read “Pastors Daughter” I would have ripped the author to shreds. Luckily the person who wrote about it was decent, and I appreciated what they said honestly.

2. Please do not think that by me tearing churchgoers a new one that I am attacking God. The majority of church people make me so angry it’s unhealthy, but you must ask yourself why would I still call myself a christian then? Well I don’t follow churchgoers I follow my God. Trust me it bothers me that by my writing or actions I could turn someone away from God, but it would bother me more if I was a meth doing preacher on tv asking for money you see. I would rather be real with my sin and issues, than put up a fake front. If God had requested me to be fake, I would never have listened.

3. I guess my point is that I was poking holes in the hypocrisy not the God.

I don’t really have much else to say it seems. If the author of the other article comes back to read this thank you for seeing that it was human. I was honestly grinning like a child when I read your post, I appreciated it. If you happen to live nearby I would love to have coffee, it would be interesting.

There isn’t one person that is responsible for the current state of our youth. It is America as a whole. We cant be blind to the world we have created and subjected to our youth. If we cant see where we went wrong then we wont know how to fix it. It has taken far too long for us to start to expect more from teens.

At our current state we expect them to go to school and get fed age old material from teachers that have lost their passion because they can barely survive on their income. If teens get good grades and don’t do anything drastic they are doing their jobs.

They are expected to look a certain way the media tells them. They are expected to fall into social cliques that match their status. They are told by there parents and churches that they are not allowed to do anything their mental and physical states are pressing them to do, and yet given nothing to do instead.

Perhaps if they had another outlet, or a bigger picture to strive for this would not be impossible. When they try to do nothing and just tread through and fight every urge they find nothing in their lives that they have control over except their image and emotional states.

If they only knew the potential maybe wed have less cut wrists, and more writers, passionate musicians, and growing country leaders.

They are not the same as children, but much closer to adults than we realize. If you don’t agree just pick up a book on the children in Africa caring for their parents with aids, and hungry siblings. Teens are an untapped resource. They have amazing energy and strong growing mental capabilities, they are much more capable to handle more tasks. I am not talking about chores or homework, tedious things, but mind enhancing passion producing challenges.

As you can see from the current enrollment of our youth into gangs, they are looking for something bigger to be involved with. Do you think if organizations recruited and trained the teens the way the gangs do they might follow that instead? They want a community that challenges and pushes them to be great. If the only outlet they can find is gangs and sex. Then we will end up with girls who prove their worth through sex, and violent angry boys killing each other. Oh wait, we do have that.

Apparently something we are doing is wrong. I don’t care how good our curriculum’s look on paper, it is not working. They are not educated, they are not happy, they are not challenged. We tell them they need to slow down, but they need to speed up just on a different highway. Slowing them down is killing them, they need to learn to seize the day, not resent it. You may think I’m exaggerating. Take a look at the statistics, if statistics are just numbers on paper to you, take a walk down a gang infested street, or pick up a teens cell phone and read exactly what their life revolves around.

Disclaimer: If you have not read your bible in relation to getting offended DO NOT continue reading. I promise I will make you upset at some point. Not all references are directed at my family or my own experiences so don’t run your your mouth thinking it was stuff about me or my family. Gird your loins people.

1. When you see us walk into church late and give us the evil eye and say, “So nice of you to join us.” we really want to punch you in the face. First of all, Saturday night and Sunday morning are the most chaotic time in our home, and maybe we were at the store getting the doughnuts you are gonna stuff your face with later, or YOUR birthday present my parents forgot about. It is also possible that we are incredibly hung over and had to wash the (cough) residue off from the night before, but don’t assume the worst.

2. When you see us looking around aimlessly during service and possibly texting do not assume we are just being a rebellious hellion. Think of it this way, the man speaking is my father. I hear his sermons all day everyday and most likely proofread his notes the night before, and even helped write them. When you hear your parents rant and rave all your life eventually they all end up sounding like gibberish, despite the power of the message. So remember you get to go home during the week, we never get to not hear it. Also, when you see me texting check and see if my mom has her phone out also.

3. The power of the front row is that nobody can see your face or what you are doing. We do not sit there because we think we are special. Seriously, if its that big of an effing deal you sit in the front row too stupid. Also, while in the front row we cant see your scorning  eye, and we like it that way.

4. Yes, we do get special treatment with certain things. Consider the sacrifices before you let that BS roll off your tongue. When you see us walk up to the t shirt sales table and just grab one and walk away without paying, think about the days when we sat at home sick with no parents because they were at your house bringing you soup and holding your hair when you were barfing. So, yes thank you for my t shirt I really appreciate it. You have no idea the rules and regulations we have to follow that you or your children do not have to abide by. Imagine if your parents income was based on your behavior, or for that matter imagine if your children’s good behavior decided the level of your success. When I say, “you have no idea” I mean you have no idea. next time you feel the burning words “They just get to do that because they are the pastors children,” just swallow that fiery statement and eat a tums, cause we hold our words back more than you could ever know.

5. Be careful how you speak to us. If you are on our bad side remember we are within direct earshot of your precious minister all the time. We eat dinner with them, watch wheel of fortune with them, and have access to emails they leave left up and we know your business. Now confidentiality it kept but beware whatever you think you know about me I promise I know more about you. I know which of your kids is gay, and how many times you were molested by uncle Vic.  If I don’t like you or you do something I feel could hurt my parents or someone in the congregation I will tell on your ass, and go directly to my father. Keep in mind he may place a higher priority on helping your family, but we are his baby girls.

6. I am sure you have heard that pastors children are the worst when it comes to worldly behavior. In some cases this may be true, but honestly everything we do gets broadcasted to the world. It is a matter of you knowing everything about us and you criticizing, and us knowing nothing about you. Id say that’s not too fair. The standards we are held to are much higher. Therefore, it is much easier to fall short of status quo.  If we speak to someones husband, the next day the buzz is that we are pregnant with his child. Its ridiculous. Some of you may read and think it doesn’t happen this way, but yes it does.

7. Ahhh seven the number of perfection, oh wait, stop the presses! The Bible says that seven is the number of perfection. Yes douche bag we know what the Bible says. You may think we are appointed to leadership positions just because of our DNA , but the fact of the matter is we have been through many rigorous course work through our lives. On a good day we can out preach you or your perfect kids. Also, being in ministry is not just about education, it is about politics, discipleship, impartation, doctrines, spiritual warfare, and dealing with crazy people with a smile on your face. Its OK you can look those words up in your concordance later. Anyway, we have learned and been trained in ministry work our whole lives, we just don’t parade our knowledge and wisdom around like you do when you learn the original Greek word for baptism. So next time you see us picking up an extra bible study, or speaking at the women’s breakfast, its because we worked for it, and usually worked harder than anyone else.

8. Ah pain sweet pain. We have had our fair share. The road to spiritual maturity is harsh and painful only the strongest can handle it. Don’t think we haven’t dealt with the same issues with hurt from leadership in the church.  I have come into contact with at least 30 people that no longer attend church or even bigger do not tend to their relationship with God anymore because of hurt caused by leadership. First off idiots, nobody is perfect not even your deacons or pastors, they are capable of effed up stuff without even knowing they have hurt someone. Stop whining and get your ass back in the drivers seat, we always have to.

9. We are not required to like you. We may be nice, and smile because we know you will get all butt hurt if we don’t. The sad truth is that we are individuals and have learned to have thick skin and not trust all you bastards. So when we put on our happy faces and voices its out of strict respect for our parents cause in real life you make us sick.

10. Ahhhh this is getting fun. Now, are we perfect? Not at all. We are just as rebellious and crazy as any other person our age, we just have learned by now how to handle things. First off, when you grow up in church manipulation is a skill that you learn very early on, and we know how to get around things. BUT if you are running your mouth about things that did NOT happen that is BS. You do not understand the rain of hell that comes down when you talk shit like you know us. YOU DON’T, and probably never will know us or the amount of politics we have to jump through when stuff gets spread.

11. We are probably not going to marry your kids. I understand that you like us a lot and the idea of being connected to our family, but seriously? On the other hand if you don’t like us keep your sons at home, cause we can see it written all over your face that we are bad news.

Well that’s was fun, notice this was part 1. This is just what I came up with while pumping 8 dollars worth of gas. Understand that this was a sacrifice for me. By the end of the day my father will have a copy of this printed out and handed to him by some annoying leak on my page, and there will be a very interesting meeting scheduled with a bunch of people that hate me. But wait,  that’s no big deal because we get free “pray hard” shirts and bags of chips.